I Ignore My Toddler’s Developmental Milestones

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It’s true. I’ve managed to pull another Mom Fail.

Annie just turned 19 months old. About a month ago I got a card from her doctor’s office that stated, “Hi There! Not to bother you, but usually by this age your child has had a check up. Call us for an appointment ASAP. Kaythanxbai.” Ok, maybe it didn’t say that verbatim, but you get the point.

So, I took Annie to her 18-month appointment when she was 19 months old and I learned two things:

  • Apparently, there are several developmental milestones that occur between the ages of 12 and 18 months.
  • I guess I’m supposed to be keeping track of them, because they handed me an entire list of them and I had to check off which ones she had met.
  • And I probably would have known this if I had taken her to her 16-month appointment. WHOOPS!

Then I remembered that I actually signed myself up for those <insert popular baby-centric website name here> email updates that are supposed to remind you of all the things you need to get freaked out about  keep on top of.

Seriously, you guys: Do any of you get those emails?

Because when something like this lands in my inbox, the last thing I want to do is actually read it:

I don’t think I need to explain to you how much jewelry this girl owns:

Then there are the emails like this:

Are you serious? Am I really supposed to do this?

Please tell me someone else’s kid can’t jump rope yet either.

I mean, I know I’m supposed to be making sure my kids are walking and talking and using forks and stuff, but I just want you to know that I haven’t completely dropped the ball. There are other “developmental milestones” I’ve been watching for. For example, by age four Emma should not only know how to open and close the DVD player all by herself, but she should also know how to skip past the annoying “Polly Pocket Rock Band” previews and go straight to viewing “Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses.”

And by 24 months Annie should be able to make a decent cup of coffee, which includes two Splendas and lots and lots of milk. Not only that, but her fine motor skills should be developed enough for her to cut a piece of pizza into thirty six 1×1 inch squares. I’m also keeping my fingers crossed that she’ll be able to propertly quarter a grape.

See? Just because I don’t know how many words my baby can say and I’m not sure if my 4-year old knows how to correctly hold a pencil, doesn’t mean I don’t care.

PS: This is the postcard I just got from Emma’s doctor: “Dear Mom, Just a friendly reminder that your soon-to-be 4-year old is due for her annual check-up and booster shots. Get it together woman.”