Top 10 Signs You’re a New Mom

You might have all the latest baby gadgets and hot new parenting book, and be basking in the soft glow of newborn-baby bliss. But sometimes it’s hard to believe that you’re really “mom.”

Here’s a list of 10 surefire ways you can tell that you are now in The Mom’s Club.

  1. Everyone wants to hear about the latest color and consistency of your baby’s poop – you assume.
  2.  It takes you 4 hours to get out of the house to meet your friend for a play-date and you still arrive late and unshowered.
  3. Within minutes of meeting another new mom for the first time, you find yourself talking about how to clean the gunk around your newborn’s umbilical cord, how to get your mother-in-law to stop dropping by the house unannounced to “help out” so much and how to get rid of your flaming hemorrhoids.
  4. You pick at your baby’s cradle cap like a mama monkey.
  5. Someone asks you what you want for your birthday, and all you can think about is that new stroller you saw online. (The one on the celebrity mom site.)
  6. You can’t remember the last time you had a date night with your honey and when you finally go out it takes you 3 hours to leave the house AFTER the babysitter has arrived. While you’re out, you check your phone a million times in case you didn’t hear it ring, call the sitter to remind her (again) where all the favorites are – lovies, books, blanket, songs – and then all you guys talk about during dinner is the baby. You end up skipping the movie and dessert and you’re home by 9:45pm.
  7. You think every other mom at the park has it all figured out except you, because they have make-up, cute shoes and washed hair.  Meanwhile, you feel like you’ve accomplished some great feat because you brushed your teeth today, found matching flip flops and haven’t burst into tears (yet).
  8. When you swap stories with the other new moms in your prenatal yoga class, they all start out like, “OMG, I’m the WORST mom EVER!”
  9. You never imagined yourself starting up a conversation in the bathroom diaper changing area with a perfect stranger saying, “Oh, I see you didn’t circumcise your son either?”
  10. The first time you venture out with your baby alone you prepare the diaper bag for every possible scenario. You have musical toys, soft lovie toys, rattles, binkies, enough diapers and wipes to stock a daycare, baby Tylenol, gripe water and teething tabs, Desitin, Aquaphor, baby lotion and soothing nipple cream. You have a warm blanket, a thin blanket, a large blanket to cover the stroller, a nursing cover, traveling nursing pillow, a bottle with breast milk you pumped in the cooler as well as an emergency can of baby formula and 3 clean bottles as a back-up. You have a change of clothes for all kinds of weather and event: short sleeved onesie, long sleeved onesie, tank onesie, baby pants, baby shorts/skirt, sundress/short set, jammies; cotton and fleece, baby socks/mittens and shoes, and a new shirt for yourself since your baby is a “big barfer”. You have a beanie, a sun hat and a warm hat, you have baby sunglasses, toys that hang from the car seat, toys that hang from the stroller and toys that hang from the shopping cart cover and a baby book just in case you miss a milestone. You have a diaper changing pad, a lap pad, a burpie shoulder pad and breast pads. You have baby nail clippers, a hairbrush, a finger toothbrush, baby shampoo, a nose sucker and boogie wipes. A car seat cover, a high chair cover, shopping cart cover, silicone table cover and a binkie cover… and you’re just going to the grocery store to get milk, eggs and bread. Then minute you pull out of the driveway, the baby poops.

What were your dead giveaways that you joined The Mom’s Club?  Or has it been so long they promoted you to president?